It's not about ME

I powered up my laptop to write this. It really is the only time I turn it on. My iPad is my go-to Internet tool. I take it everywhere. Lately and for the foreseeable future, that means wherever my mother is. If you follow me on Facebook you know what's happened. If not, here it is.

My mom had a fall on Wednesday. She's not supposed to stand at all. She just had physical therapy the day before (for the first time in ages) and the therapist told her to never stand alone. My brother called that night and told my mom that the therapy wasn't to teach her to walk again. He stressed how important it was to be safe and not do anything that could cause a fall. He told her that if she fell and had to be hospitalized that we wouldn't be able to sit by her side at a hospital. Lisa is recovering from her surgery and he and I work. The next day she stood to break some dead branches off of a plant in a raised bed, lost her balance, and fell. She had a traumatic break in her left femur near her pelvis, with a few small fractures in her hip. She was transferred from her usual hospital to MD Shock Trauma, where they're equipped to handle the kind of surgery she needed. My brother was with me for most of that 14 hour day. I didn't give her a hard time about the consequence of her action. I did say that she wasn't a very good patient for her physical therapist. Her response was that she was being herself. The surgery lasted 5 hours. I've spent most of the last four days at the hospital with my mom. She's only in pain when they move her leg. She's lethargic, not eating, and not really talking. She moves her lips to talk but no sound comes out. Occasionally she does talk. She'll call my name. She's told me to shut up! To not put words in her mouth. She told one nurse she was fat and another she was pretty. She knows who she is, where she's at, and all that other important stuff. It's heartbreaking to see her like this. I feel compelled to be with her. I called her nurse this morning to see how she's doing. The nurse said she's fine! Of course she's not. I know how she is because I left her late last night. So, it's time to go back to the hospital. I know it well by now.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'll remain the optimist. We've been through this before. Rehab will be next. It will be a long road.